Posts Tagged 'bike commuting'

Three Way Street: Douchecrime in New York City

Crime-fucking-riders beware – New Dorkers regularly give the fuckfinger to police! To each other! To common sense! Seriously, are people in New York all retarded? Apparently so, judging from this insanely mesmerizing video, which proves that driving, cycling and even walking ought to be 1st period subjects at the giant re-education camp for selfish twats that is America.

They try to kill you just for riding according to the law here, after all – I can’t imagine how one of the Audi-driving manchildren of Prague would react if I dared to cut them off in traffic… Anyway, check it out:

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Volvo = douche bag

News update:
a new study conducted by scientists (A.S.W.H.O.L.E), shows that Volvo has now surpassed Audi as the car of choice for assholes. a comprehensive, long-term examination of the social status of over 4,500 assholes(a.k.a douche bags) from across the EU, indicates that assholes are now upgrading their burnt orange A4s to the new C70 cabriolet.

“In 2010, in Prague’s city center, there were only a handful of assholes driving Volvos,” said Patrik Arslanian, from Hot Dog cycles. “In the past six months, however, i’ve been in ten fist fights with assholes driving Volvos as compared to only one driving an Audi.”

because of this alarming new information, many cyclists have added Volvo to their list of cars (that normally consists of Mercedes, Audi and Maserati) to look out for while cycling.

-beware my friends…. beware.

 

UPDATE!!

This disturbing trend has been independently corroborated by peer review. Even more disturbing is the fact that, while Audi drivers display predictable signs of aggression consistent with male impotence, Volvo drivers may actually be physically and mentally too feeble to operate their vehicles correctly.

Volvo Owners - Too Frail to Live?

Bastogne nad Vltavou

It’s been said many time, many ways, but still:

 

Makes me giggle.

Salo noted the fact that it is face-freezing cold, and I’d just like to take a few pixels to point out that I agree. What he OUGHT to do about it is to post some pictures of his luxurious tour de Marin County here so we can all dream up novel curses to share with him next time we see him. Not to worry, though, spring is on the way… Right? I’ve actually seen more and more commuters out these days despite the cold. Even the messenger with the cargo bike is back on the streets. It gets to feeling as though Prague is warming to cyclists, until I get home and find the “no bicycles” sign the fat bastard owner installed in the lift especially for me.

One little thing that I do in cold like this is to loosen each spoke a quarter turn, then draw it back in again. It lets me know which ones are stressed and where to expect problems.  That and keeping the chain clean. I’m not sure if it helps anything, but it makes me feel better 🙂

Cycling = Golf 2.0?

I’ve had a sneaking suspicion for some time now that cycling, specifically that lycra-clad, carbon fibered corner of the sporting garage, is steadily becoming the new golf. It starts slow, with the Bike Snob’s oft-mentioned, recondite Serotta/Dentist symbiosis, working its way through the professions until love of the sport snowballs to the point where, one day, we can all enjoy the cliche cycling to work will have become. Seriously, it’ll be a happy day, once it’s all growed up. It’s the meantime that’s the scary bit. We’re just one or two client service directors away from the critical adolescent mass of professional acceptance, and the video produced for the new bike line from Mario Cippolini speaks directly to the blandly-articulated desires of the wanky horde that is us. Mark my words. Next step: Caddyshack for bikes. Watch for it.

Witness the continental breakfast, the Tuscan wheat, the barely sublimated musical fratboy, straining at the bonds that keep him from performing the Helmet Dance… Things are gonna get weird – can’t wait for the damned snow to melt.

Momentary Lapses

Must have been something in the rohliky today, because I saw no less than 9 bike commuters on the way to work! Not couriers, hurrying to their lurking stair in front of the CSOB on Na Prikope, but actual, in the flesh cycle commuters with feral looks, fenders, ear warmers and big, bulky bags!

Nothing really to say, I was just sort of excited! Probably I missed something? Is everyone who cycles to work meant to get a half-day off?

Polo tomorrow?

Canada Goes the Way of the USA

It’s sort of a blog-crime to repost things that Bike Snob already pointed out, given that all 6 readers here read the Bike Snob first, but this video of some fat douchebag politician from Toronto is too sick to let go. I know it’s all stereotyping, but I really had this closely guarded illusion that, as weird as Canadians are, they are at least “progressive” in that that they aren’t generally outright evil. Wrong, I guess. This fat bastard was recently elected Mayor of Toronto, but could just as easily be mayor of Vysočany. Thank God for the triple bypass.

Speckled Green Map

The Auto*Mat guys, always adept at polishing up the edges of thunderclouds until they look something like chrome, have published this “Green Map”, which includes cycling-friendly spots in the center of Prague. It’s a vaguely situationist undertaking, and pretty cool to see. These folks really are trying to put a brave face on and start changing perceptions a bit. The map has some unique features, one of the most interesting of which is a time legend – a legend which shows how long it would take an average walker or cyclist to cover a certain distance. You can also use it to locate a bike rack in the center of Prague – the first person to photograph all five and post them here wins a super prize!

Auto*Mat are looking for partners and advertisers to help bring the map online. Given the stated mission of the undertaking, it sort of begs the question: why didn’t they save the paper and just put the thing online in the first place? Will another free throwaway map really help convert the great “over-washed” masses or just create more backpack lint and white space for Americans to scribble “eshtay yeden peevo proseem”? Either way, it’s got to be more effective than the graffito scrawled on the construction barrier at the ongoing experiment in urban vomit that is the Narodni trida metro plaza. “We Love the Auto*Mat” writ large in red spraypaint beside “Fuck Police Ganga Anarchist!” or whatever, only reaffirms to the Tesco-shopping public that anyone who cares about their environment is a young white twat with greasy dreadlocks, an underfed dog and too much free time.

Auto*Mat ought to organize a “rychla akce” down there this weekend to repaint a nice hippy mural on the construction barrier and weld some bike racks onto it as well.

 

In the meantime, “mainstream” Prague has responded:


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